Category: Love Letters

Dear Volvo, Talk Dirty To Me..

A heartfelt, vaguely pornographic love letter to the world’s leading luxury family car manufacturer probably wasn’t top of your “to read” list today, but for me, it is vital to write. Lemme tell you why. Volvo may have just nailed it again.  Just over a year ago, while I was whining about how they’ve lost their edge, their design sensibility and their enthusiasm for all...

Hey Toyota, NY Needs A Freaky Prius 4!

The New York Auto Show is in just over two weeks and I’m ready– ready for a crazy, new Toyota Prius. Toyota has historically been my go-to brand for awesome auto show customizations.  Here are some of my faves: The Spongebob Sienna. Classic. Pop a pink unicorn on any vehicle and you have my immediate attention. Respect & most importantly, employment is what our vets need...

Dear Alfred, Be My Valentine

Alfa Romeo and I haven’t always been friends.  And we haven’t been lovers for very long. But this Valentine’s Day, if I get my way, we’re gonna park away from the street lights, tilt the seats way back and get to know one another much better. When I was a snot-nosed high school co-ed, my boyf got himself a Spider and I threw my nose in...

Dear VW, Hell Hath No Fury..

… like a Hippie scorned! I am lucky enough to live in a hippie enclave just outside of Los Angeles.  Because, let’s face it, hippies are better than yuppies! But here’s the thing about hippies, while they’re mainly mellow, cheery pacifists, you really don’t want to piss them off.  Here are the things that generally irritate this delicate demographic: *Republicans (all flavors) *Wars (all flavors)...

Dear Car Sales Dude, Let’s Douche It Down A Little

Here’s the thing about being in sales—I get it.  I get that you need to meet your numbers; I get that you work on commission; I get that there’s a douche bag in the back room asking you for your “funnel.” I’ve been that douche bag! But it’s now the 21st century, and women are making close to 70% of the car buying decisions, so...

Dear Santa, Who You Callin’ A Ho?

Every year, like any warm-blooded, marginally Christian grown up, I write a Dear Santa letter. And every year, it goes a little something like this: Dear Santa, I’ve been really (exaggerate, exaggerate or exaggerate) this year and I haven’t even once (lie, lie, lie). I was particularly proud when I (flat-out-lie) and when I (won-the-Nobel-Peace-prize or something equally ridiculous). So I’d really appreciate it if...