Dear Automakers, Dork Driving Is Real!

These days the automotive industry is filled with all kinds of glitz, glamour and big thinking. Autonomous driving! Car sharing! Nurburgring records! It’s all so very..impressive.  But something is missing. Something is wrong and I just couldn’t put my finger on it until today.  I was talking to my friend, Fadra Nally, about the weird cars we miss and it hit me– we are living in a world where geeks rule, yet What Does A Dork Drive?

We used to have brands like AMC, which blessed us with the Gremlin and the Pacer.

Um..Yeah

Then we had Saab.

If this photo doesn’t make you teary, you’ve never driven one.

Then we had Saturn.

Then we had Scion.

These were the cars for the freaks, the geeks, the dorks. These were the cars for people with aluminum foil on their rabbit ears, the people that don’t trust banks, those that hate chain stores and the ones that sure as hell aren’t buying anything from the Big Three Automakers. So a few smarties made alternative cars for people like them– cars that are weird, ugly and undeniably uncool.

Dorks Dig Pintos, of course.

As a former Saab driver and current Saab mourner, I can tell you, it’s a tribe.  We certainly consider ourselves a bit smarter, a bit edgier, and a bit ahead of people who like cars to do crazy things like run. And this all started before Steve Jobs had groupies & even before Bill Gates was a celebrity, you remember, way back in the year 10 B.E. (10 years before Elon)– before geeks were rich, famous and laid.

Geeks Dig Old Volvos

But what about now?  We are now living in the age of Girls. The world where oversized glasses and high cut jeans are considered fashion. The era where geeks rule. Yet, what does the nerdy class have to drive?  An old Volvo, Pacer or Saab? A Prius covered in bumper stickers. Yup. That’s exactly what they’re doing. Some would argue that they’re not driving at all. The theory is that cars are dead– this generation doesn’t like cars at all. They care more about the environment, being thrifty and being non-committal.  But this Motorhead isn’t buying it. I think it’s because their generation doesn’t have a vehicle that speaks to them.

Ugly To Some. Awesome To Others. Saab..

So if you’re a billionaire with a few extra sacks of cash around and you’re looking to get into the lucrative and exciting world of automotive, I implore you: Think of the Geeks. Consider the dorks. Honor the nerds. Give them a vehicle that celebrates what they stand for and doesn’t try to be pretty, impressive or ahead of its time.  One that’s just happy to exist outside of the box.  For we are living in the Golden Age of Geekdom– the least we could do is build them a car.

 

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