Dude or Dbag: The Outfits Of SEMA

SEMA is an amazing show. Literally over 1 million square feet of awe & wonder– this annual Vegas event is filled with custom cars, aftermarket parts, wheels, tires and the like. Between the jaw-dropping cars, the crazy booths and the freaky people, it is fantastic. The outfits are equally, if not more, entertaining. Let’s start with the basic dress code:

If you’re at the SEMA show, you’re either a) a dude in shorts and New Balance sneakers or b) a dude in polo shirt with your company logo and a baseball hat.  Period.  If you’re a woman, you’re probably wearing something casual like this:

Hey, I get it. A girl’s gotta make a buck. I just pray that she’s texting her money manager while that other guy is on Tinder.  She, my friends, is a dude. Anyone that can stand in a trade show booth all day in spandex without punching someone in the face is a superhero in my book. Especially because this woman had the good sense to wear flats. In my dreams, she drives the new Kia Stinger:

Others choose to accessorize in ways that I find less appealing, like the guy with the roller luggage:

Sure, one needs a place to stash all of the priceless trade show shwag, but it is his dbag parking that really that gets my goat.  He does not give two f*cks if three people have tripped over his bag, he’s not moving. Dbag status secured.

Then there are the patriots:

You see a lot of outfits at SEMA like this, but two together is really special. (ps– these were the nicest people in the world) The best part about these two is that they thought they had died and gone to heaven they were having so much fun. Double dudes! If I could, I’d buy them this ‘Murica-mobile to complete the look:

Another thing you see a lot at SEMA are these:

Guys in scooters. Say goodbye to your toes now, my friends. Running over feet, pushing people out of the way and racing through the show floor like he’s OJ on the 405, these motorized dbags are nutso! In his defense, if you put this much testosterone in an enclosed space, all sense of decency evaporates right quick.

Guess what’s not douchey? Afros at SEMA!!!

You see, the cars, parts and customizations of SEMA may be diverse but let’s just say that if SEMA if it were to be a cookie..it would be a Nilla Wafer.  Not Chocolate Chip, Oreo or even a Snickerdoodle.. ‘Nilla. So when I spotted this dude, a selfie was essential. For Xmas, I’d like to give him this:

The biggest douche of the day was this skinny bitch:

Who does she think she is? That’s my look right there. My rack would fill that out FAR better. Eat a sandwich, sister! And while you’re at it, give me back my ride:

But seriously, guys, SEMA is a blast. The outfits may be awful, the scooters treacherous and the rollerbags hazardous, but there is also stuff like this:

So how can I hate? Next stop, LA Auto Show…

 

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