Kiss My Carpool! A Mother’s Day Manifesto
A few minutes ago, my daughter uttered some of the most dreaded words a mother can hear, “Hey Mom, what do you want for Mother’s Day?” Ug. Seriously? We spend basically every waking hour together. You don’t have a clue? Ok, fine kid, how about any of the following: A medically induced coma, a Ferrari 812 Superfast, a full-time masseuse, a magic spell that makes my dog talk so he can finally tell me how much he loves me, shall I go on? What’s that? No? Fine. Since none of those things are likely to happen, I’ve come up with a few suggestions. So here are a few things we can all do on Mother’s Day to make moms of any age happy & thus help make the world a better place:
Listen To Her Playlist: I know, I know. Your mom has a flip phone and wouldn’t know a playlist if it bit her in the ass. Fine, then make her one! Put that overplayed ABBA song on it, even though it’s annoying. Rock out to the awful Billy Joel song that makes you think of her. She spent at least 6 years listening to you cry, so I’m pretty sure you can endure that Nora Jones track for three minutes.
Check Her Tire Pressure: Chances are you’re at least 20 years younger than your mother, so bending over and reading the gage is undoubtedly easier for you. So suck it up and make sure her chariot is in perfect working order. She kept you from choking, drowning, and setting yourself on fire for a good 18 years, so I’d say you owe her one.
Wash Her Car: Yes, kids, your mom’s car smells like a potpourri of sweat socks and long lost juice boxes, but you know what? That’s not her scent of choice either. She’d clean it herself if she wasn’t so busy karting your lazy ass to school, soccer practice, violin lessons, playdates.. need I go on? Cough up $20 and get that baby hosed down, swept up and buffed out– because we both know those scratches are yours!
Take Her On A Test Drive: Sure your elderly mom is probably going to want to test drive something that you wouldn’t be caught dead in, but guess what? She wiped your ass until you were 2, so you can handle 15 minutes in a Buick Lacrosse. If you’re a really good son/daughter, you’ll ask to drive the Cascada, put the top down and put that playlist to work!
And finally…Turn Off The Navigation & Forget Your Destination: If your mother is older, the most precious thing you can give each other is time. So today, of all days, don’t rush home to watch The Game. Forget about your social feed and catching up on your emails. Fill up your tank, silence your phone, pick up your mom and ask her to tell you a story. And this time, really listen.