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Only In LA: Transplant Auto Nation

Here’s the thing about the City of Angels… none of us are from here.  Most of us arrived in LA with car full of belongings, pasty white from what we vowed to be our last ever hideous winter Back East, looking for a Melrose Place-like situation– a rent controlled apartment complex filled with gorgeous, friendly neighbors just looking for a nearby dweller to screw. Little did we know that most of these starter apartment buildings are in Tarzana and that our neighbors would be creepy, agoraphobic screenwriters who never see the light of day, but I’m not here to burst any bubbles (officially).  I’m here to warn you LA Transplant.

I’m warning you that I see you, you NYers, Chicagoans and even those disenchanted Atlantans.  After experiencing the coldest winter in 20 years, I see you.  I see you sitting in your footed pajamas watching reruns of the “The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air” thinking ‘maybe I should move to LA.’  I see you wondering why Jack Bauer has been running around for 24 hours now and never once slipped on ice, stepped in a puddle or put on snow boots.  I see you eyeing my beloved metropolis and wondering if it’s your next destination.  (Before you do, please see my LA Driving Commandments, cuz you don’t want to be the a-hole holding up the left turn lane)  But I’m warning you now, you’ll probably never go home:

LA Transplant Vanity plate

This dude came here in 1978 and is still bragging about it.  So please don’t think you’re gonna show up in your late model Cherokee and stick out like a sore thumb, you’re in great company:

UK LA Transplant vanity plate

I’m warning you, that you probably think you’re gonna spend two or three years here, make it big in Hollywood and then go back to buy a 5th avenue duplex & a place in the Hamptons, but you’re not.  You’re gonna be this guy:

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40 years later & still marveling in his newfound home.   And this guy drives a Tesla, so he can probably afford to go back East to show it off, but you know what? He doesn’t want to. Because the fact of the matter is, LA in 2014 is better than anything the Fresh Prince ever dreamt of.  We have the country’s best hockey team, a Mayor that openly drops f*bombs and freeways jammed with fascinating people from all over the world.  We have endless miles of beautiful roads and some of the greatest car collections on the planet to explore them with.  We have great music, delicious food, stellar weather and sure it’s expensive, but last I heard paradise isn’t cheap.  This is why:

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And you will too.  So don’t say I didn’t warn you.

PS– if you don’t love it, please feel free to leave.  LA’s got no room for haters.

 

 

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