The other day I watched a friend of mine park his car. Before he got out, he reached into his glovebox and grabbed his front plate, which he placed on his dash. ‘You too, huh?’ I said. ‘Yup’ he replied. You see, we are part of the Front Plate Haters Club. While the exact volume of our membership is unclear, what is undeniable is that we are fiercely dedicated to our cause. Why? Because front plates blow. Here are a few damn good reasons why:
While I’m sure everyone reading this is an exceptional driver (a skill which is closely aligned with intelligence) none of us are impervious to the occasional garage overflow or ‘compact’ parking spot greed. It’s cool. But bent front plates? Not cool. Also..
The Gods Prefer Symmetry
One would assume that the good people at Lexus spent a fair amount of time lining up that logo perfectly in the center of the grille. Only to have this sloppy bastard zip tie his front plate just off enough to make the occasional anal passerby nuts. (Guilty as charged.) But that’s definitely not as annoying as:
Nobody Wants Tetanus
Sometimes, when zip ties aren’t handy, people will just grab the closest rusty wire with which to affix their license plate. God forbid anyone decides to mess with this set up. For there’s surely an ER visit in their future.
There’s Just No Good Solution
This slapdash front bolted plate is clearly the work of freshly infuriated driver. He was probably is still fuming from being served with a $250 ticket when he chose this sad, defeated placement. It’s just awful. His car looks like it wants to cry. That makes two of us.
So DMV, I implore you, let’s rethink this policy. If we have the technology to keep a price sticker off of a bag of Doritos, surely we can find a way for the cops on Mulholland to just scan my car before they give me yet another speeding infraction. And as for pedestrians, I sincerely doubt anyone has said, “Hold on, officer, I think I saw the guy’s plate before he ran me over.” It’s just not a thing. Plus look at this Fiat. It’s not the world’s fanciest car, but it’s front end is so lovely, so beautiful, that it’s mobile art & we both know it.
So in the name of all that is good about the world, let’s release our vehicles from the shackles of a cheap, metal, forward-facing name tag. It’s sad, annoying and just plain tacky.