Giving Thanks: Mama Style

Here are the top 10 things I’m thankful for this holiday season:

10. Driving. Sounds incredibly basic, but today millions of women around the world still aren’t able to. Suck on that Saudi Arabia! (If that offends you, I suggest you stop reading immediately.)

9. Butt Warmers.  Because Mama likes the junk in her trunk lightly toasted, thank you.

8. Leaving NYC–I am so thankful I no longer live in a place where my parking payment trumps my car payment.

7. The M Button– if you don’t know why, stop right now and run to your closest BMW dealer. Tell them mama sent you.

6. Silicon Valley Wackos & Their Money– Thanks to them, when gets hits $10/gallon, I can drive this:

instead of this:

5. Fruits & Nuts– I’m thankful that I live in a place where spotting freaks like this is a daily occurrence: (roar!)

4. Bumper Stickers–because nothing can take you from grumpy to grinning quicker than reading this:

3. My Dad– who taught me to drive a stick.  Because of him, when the light changes on Mulholland, I can leave clowns like this sulking in their Red Bull:

2.. The Automotive Bailout– because it took a near death experience to teach Detroit that we don’t want this:

We want this:

1. And the thing I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving is …..Viagra.

Because of this wonder-drug, dudes over 50 still feel like there’s a chance they’ll nail a supermodel, especially if they lure them with stuff like this:

And because that keeps my freeways packed with Lambos & Ferraris, Viagra–I salute you!