When my nephew came to visit from Australia last month, we had a blast spotting all the Tesla Cybertrucks. Because in LA, unlike Sydney, Cybertrucks are everywhere. And because the majority of us are shameless attention seekers, there are some spectacular modifications. Luckily, for these purposes, plenty of them are bad—very bad. Let’s go, friends!
Basic White B*tch
Fresh from the dealer with paper plates, this Cybertruck isn’t terribly imaginative. That’s because Tesla offers factory wrapping at $6,000 a pop. Of course, Tesla claims that this stuff is “self-healing” (like mediation?) and is 2x thicker than traditional vinyl wraps and more eco-friendly. But considering Tesla can’t even make the air conditioning work in my Model Y, I’m holding my applause for later.
As for the basic white. Whatever, nice work, Dude. White goes with everything. Just as long as you’re not adding a side of ‘supremacist’ with your Cybertruck, I’m in!
In The Scared Name of Country Squire, No!
Spotted on Instagram: (don’t miss the soundtrack)
By the way, follow this guy’s account because he’s hilarious (https://www.instagram.com/silversurfermodel3/). His feed is a delightful mashup of Tesla sub-culture. I salute you, silversurfer!
Back to the CyberSquire. This is an abomination. Of course, that’s the idea. But not all memes were meant to be driven. This is Dbag material, fight me!
Das What Cybertruck?
I know this photo is terrible quality, sorry. But my husband took this in traffic on the 405NB. Let’s unpack this trainwreck.
The green is the least of my problems. It’s obnoxious, it’s ironic, and it’s annoying but something I can get over, like Gonorrhea or Shingles. But that vanity plate, GERMANY? It’s weird and oddly patriotic for a country that has nothing to do with this truck. Thus, I immediately fill in his backstory as the following: he’s a DJ named Dieter who just got here from Dusseldorf, complete with a fauxhawk and a series of very bad tattoos. But he’s big in the C-level festival scene. You, do you, Dieter, but here in LA, we call that Dbag. Any alternative pitches for who drives this truck? Drop them in the comments or hit me up on social.
The Cybertruck Little Black Dress
I love it. Period. The end. 100% Dude.
What’s interesting is that the matte black of it all really emphasizes certain design elements that are easily overlooked, such as:
- That enormous windshield wiper? Jesus! Why not add a few feet and do the rear windshield too?
- The stock tires are nubby AF. Am I the only one just noticing that?
- All those angles make it look like a nightmare to clean. But Darth Vader doesn’t wash his own truck.
- This looks like a celebrity’s terrible attempt to ‘keep it on the DL’ while still turning heads
Any ideas about who it is? I spotted this on Topanga Canyon Boulevard in Woodland Hills, so anything is possible.
Cybertruck Pink Eye
Forgive me, but I can’t remember who sent this. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. The number of automotive “WTF is that?” texts I get on a daily basis fills me with sheer delight. Thank you.
Now, let’s get back to this hot mess. Spotted in Calabasas (insert sarcastic shock and awe), this is the only pink Cybertruck I’ve seen. Let’s hope that it’s the last. Because if I have to tolerate a Pepto version of this dumpster on wheels, it’s going to be rough. In the meantime, this is awful. Dbag.
Hazzard County Hellion
Last but hardly least is this nonsense. Please, Dollar Bill Car Show, tell me this is AI-generated. I simply can’t imagine someone defacing the good name of America’s most iconic automotive family TV show (go ahead and try to convince me otherwise!). I hope your given name is Roscoe P. Coltrane and you’re simply wearing your heritage with pride. Anything less makes you a Dbag.
What about in your neck of the woods? Is the Cybertruck scene just stock, or are people wrapping them as well? I’ve shown you mine; now show me yours!
xoxo
Mama