LA Auto Show 2014 made me laugh, it makes me cry, it’s better than “Cats.” This year was no exception, but it also had more surprises than RuPaul’s lingerie drawer. Here’s the lowdown.
This year, The Good included remastered vintage vehicles from our Southern California masters: Rick Dore (Lords Of The Car Hoards), Magnus Walker (Urban Outlaw) and Singer Automotive. Rick showed this stunning “Black Pearl” Jag that he made for James Hetfield.
Singer also opened up their 911 so I could paw and drool all over it..luckily I brought baby wipes. It was disgusting. Disgustingly awesome! It was so awesome that there was an Enzo in the corner of the room crying because everyone was ignoring it.
Then it all started getting weird– because the most exciting concept cars appeared from the most unusual places. Normally, the Germans are the ones with toe curling design and mind blowing technology. But this year, the Japanese diced them up into little pieces and grilled them over the hibachi.
The most shocking was this insane Infiniti Q80 Inspiration. You know Infiniti, that car brand that has about as much personality as that other Kardashian..you know, WhatsHisName..? Anyway, this car left us all gobsmacked.
Things got weirder when Toyota knocked one outta the park. You know Toyota, right? They make that silly hybrid snail with the “CoExist” bumper sticker that you’re stuck behind every day? Yeah, well the brains behind that can also apparently do cool & sexy stuff too. Go fig.
With all of these gorgeous and innovative cars, I almost forgot to explore The Bad. But there was no escaping it.
Now I don’t need to tell you that the Prowler is so ugly that it’ll make your eyes bleed. But when it’s toasted, riveted and buckled too, it borders on white trash, Honey Boo Boo Mama ugly. And that’s not something anyone should be subjected to.
And then BMW showed off their 235, their X4 and their X5 and X6ms. They looked great, but yet just ridiculous, for these guys are running through more numbers than this guy and I’ve had it. Quality, not quantity, please!
The WTF moments started when I stood around wondering: Where Are The Boobs? The spokesmodels were so tastefully dressed this year that I felt like the slutty one! It was truly disorienting, I mean, is this lady presenting the Shelby GT350 or doing a TED Talk?
Over at the Fiat booth a installation by Ron Arad spun around with no explanation:
It’s like the old adage, “When You Can’t Dazzle ‘Em With Details, Baffle Them With Bullsh*t” and it was lame.
But things calmed right down when I saw this:
Because when I see a bright yellow Hummer with 32′ wheels, I know I’m home. Thank you, Los Angeles!