Test Drive Tuesday: Porsche Macan

First, let’s answer the most burning question.
Yes, it does rhyme with bacon. And no it does not rhyme with pecan.
Feeling better? Yeah, me too.

Anyway, so Porsche recently came out with smaller SUV. It’s called the Macan. What’s the big deal, you ask? Well, there’s this other guy making cars (his name rhymes with snooty pecan) and his electric sedan, the Model S, is sucking up some serious much market share from our German friends. Thus far, he’s collected over 13,000 deposits on his upcoming little electric SUV. Oh, did I mention the deposits are $5k each & NO ONE HAS EVEN DRIVEN IT YET! So if you’re Papa Porsche, you are so pissed.

What do Germans do when they’re pissed? They get in the game and start knocking heads. In this case, Porsche took their ever popular Cayenne (if you want a sense of the Cayenne’s popularity in LA alone, click here) and thought, if we made this smaller and cheaper maybe more people would buy some. Ya think? Well, so many people bought this $65,000 Porsche that Mama could barely get one to test drive. But I did. Thank you Auto Gallery Woodland Hills..

Here’s the good news: your mom is gonna love it! Here’s the bad news: this mama didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s beautiful, it’s fast, it’s smooth, it’s luxurious, it’s practical. It does what most people really want their luxury SUV to do– which is drive like a really nice car. Here’s my problem– this thing has no edge. It’s kind of like driving a cream puff, it feels great and gives you that nice sugar rush. But nothing is going to be left stuck in your teeth. Me, I’m much more of a bag of gummies kinda girl. I want a tasty treat with a little bit of danger (maybe I’ll lose a filling today!) and I want to work for my sugar rush, even if I have to spend a half hour picking it out of my teeth. But the Macan did all of the heavy lifting for me– if I had a bunch of kids in the car for carpool or a posse of ladies on our way to lunch, this vehicle would be perfect. But if driving alone, blasting some gangster rap and trying to beat my latest time to Trader Joe’s, I’m afraid I’d be sad. And my car is my temple, so Mama ain’t gonna be sad in there.

So thank you Papa Porsche. I appreciate the effort. And I think you’ll do really well with the Macan, I’m just not one of those girls… Bacon yes, Macan no. For $65k, bring me a Boxster Spyder with a side of dental floss.