Behold! White Lotus Season is upon us. And it’s our third. Isn’t it great to take a respite from reality to just chill poolside in Thailand with a handful of our favorite one percenters? I mean, Parker Posey, Carrie Coon, and Andrew Schwarzenegger? Oh my! This season is an embarrassment of riches despite one glaring omission. You know I’m going to say my favorite word. Cars. There are barely any cars in this season, which is very disappointing. But I’m here to help! I’ve put together the cars that I envision the stars (as their characters) driving when they’re not on a boozy, indulgent Southeast Asian vacation. Do you agree with my assessment? No? Hit me up on social.
Not yet a fan of The White Lotus S3? Fine, here’s the quick and dirty trailer to whet your whistle:
White Lotus Is Making Mopeds Cool Again
Let’s start with the low-hanging fruit. The only people we see driving this season are the adorable couple of Gaitok and Mook. They opens the show with her hitching a ride on the back of his scooter after hers breaks down. So cute!
But in reality, what about the actress behind the magic? Played by Lalisa Manobal (or Lisa) of K-pop supergroup Blackpink fame, this chick is hardly hard up for a ride. Just this year, Lisa purchased two Ferraris: the 812 Superfast, the fastest Ferrari supercar, and the Furosange, Ferrari’s first SUV.
Lisa introduces her new Ferrari car. pic.twitter.com/bx61XEbLhb
— About Music (@AboutMusicYT) February 19, 2025
Thatta girl! Guess she’s not paying taxes on tips, huh?
Rick & Chelsea? A One Car Solution
I don’t think Chelsea does much driving when they’re back in LA. She has a rat-infested, first-gen Prius sitting in the back of Rick’s driveway with a dream catcher hanging from the rearview mirror and a CoExist bumpersticker on the back. But that’s a remnant of her far less posh, pre-Rick existence. Now, she lets Rick drive her in his black Range Rover not only because he’s a better driver but also because her astrologist says it’s just too risky for her, as a Gemini.
The Queen of White Lotus Drives An Escalade
Not only does Parker Posey’s character need to look good when she goes to the club or out drinking with the girls, but she also needs a vehicle that (literally) takes the wheel when the Lorazepam kicks in. She loved her white Mercedes ML550, but after crashing three times, they got her a car with a bit more supervision. Because her husband is a rational, loving man, he ensured she’s in the largest vehicle possible. Enter the Cadillac Escalade. With BlueCruise, she never has to worry about running over those pesky gardeners milling around her Raleigh estate.
Jaclyn’s Car Is Carefully Crafted
She’s hot, sexy, and totally in love with her husband–unless she’s hooking up with someone else. She’s Jaclyn, the nucleus of the girl power trio out to conquer Thailand and all of its Russian f-boys. As a Los Angeles resident, I can confidently say that I know plenty of Jaclyns and what they drive. Until about a month ago, this Jaclyn drove a Tesla Model S, but like many other famous faces in these parts, she donated hers to NPR. What’s in its place? Of course, it’s the Porsche Macan Electric because she (and her PR team) are committed to the environment.
As for the rest of her crew:
Laurie Has A Volvo XC60
But she’s thinking about selling it. Her ex got the country house in the divorce, so it’s not much use to her now. She doesn’t even know where the keys are, or the key club security lock on the steering wheel. It’s also entirely possible that her license hasn’t been renewed this decade.
Kate’s Austin Ride Is A Wagoneer
Because she’s not driving a foreign car. Sure, it breaks down a lot, but there’s plenty of room to take her twin boys to football practice and Sunday school.
The White Lotus Cybertruck Boy
We love him, we hate him, we want to party with him, but we sure as hell wouldn’t leave a cocktail unsupervised in his midst. He’s young and sexy, yet profoundly cringy. Oh, Saxon, you’re a barrel of contradictions. But at your core, you’re an arrogant, woman-hating a**hole, which leaves only one car as your appropriate match. Does all of the Elon backlash bother him? Nah bruh.
Belinda Misses Hawaii (and her CR-V)
Not all of our favorite characters are guests. Belinda is enjoying her apprenticeship here in Thailand, but she’s starting to get a little antsy abroad. Her Hawaiian home is calling. She can’t wait to get back behind the wheel of her Honda CR-V with the wooden beaded seat covers and drive to the beach where she can sit with her favorite thriller and forget all about this nightmare.
Fabian’s Dream Car Is More Upsetting Than Murder
Sure, he’s here in Thailand for now. But pretty soon he’ll head home, where he will fully commit to a career as a cabaret singer. And when he does, he’s going to 1. come out of the closet to his mum, 2. tell that bitch Alex they were wrong about him never making it and 3. buy his dream car– The Ford Tbird. No, not the good one. The bad remake. You know it and hate it too.
What do you think? Are these automotive pairings spot on or inherently flawed? Let me know on social @motorheadmama (see the sidebar for sharing).