New Yorkers are notorious for being a-holes behind the wheel. Angelinos are notorious for being a-holes because of their wheels. In fact we have so many terrible cars, that they should have their own lane, parking spaces and support groups, because if being an a-hole isn’t a handicap, I dunno what is. Here are some examples of LA’s biggest Aholes :
#1. Aholes Over Personalize
Look it’s Simba, or Julie Taymor, or James Earl Jones! Or some guy named “Lenzo.” I’m not exactly sure why this guy would want to drive The Lion King On Wheels. But I see him on PCH every day and he’s not black, female or feline– he’s just a Fool. If I have to hear Hakuna Matata one more time…
#2: A-Holes Love A Bad Kit
This kit’s got everything– the Euro trash license plate, the bogus handicapped plates, the receding hairline behind the wheel–everything about it screams aging music exec seeking fresh Midwestern immigrant for Viagra experiment. Ug.
#3 Obnoxious Paint Color, A-Holes Are Moths To The Flame
My eyeballs are still sore from seeing this at November’s LA Car Show. But hey, I guess Volvo had to do something to keep people awake in their booth. It probably would’ve been more productive to hold a 5 Point Harness Workshop or How-To-Remove -Goldfish-From-Between-Your Seats Seminar. But for the paranoid first time parent, it’s not a station wagon and little Brandy/Britney/Brooklyn (insert white trash Br name here) will be in the safest car imaginable while Daddy’s testicles are safely tucked away in the last decade.
#4. A-Holes Will Destroy An Icon
You have to be an A-Hole to put your URL on a 430. But then you toss in the silver metallic finish, a custom license plate and a roof number and it’s a wonder that Enzo himself doesn’t rise from the dead to shove your keys up your..whatever…you’re an A-Hole & a Fool.
#5. A-Holes Over Protect
Only an A-Hole uses a Bumper Blocker. It’s for the same people who put dogs in strollers, leashes on kids and wrap their sofas in plastic. Just allow things to exist in their natural habitat, for God’s Sake. It’s called a Bumper, because at some point, someone is gonna bump into you. I know it’s scary, and your 550 may get a scratch, but it’s paint, not plasma. You’ll be ok. You’ll likely still be an A-hole, but ok.
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