Last week, Pope Francis took possession of the illustrious 2013 Popemobile. Manufactured in by Mercedes Benz in Alabama (a whole 'nother type of blasphemy) , this vehicle has the unique distinction of being the ugliest Popemobile ever:
And believe me, people, the competition was tough.
Shortly afterwards, the Pope released a statement urging his disciples to drive "humble" cars (yawn). He also professed "it hurts me when I see a priest or a nun with the latest model car." Yes, Your Holiness, hurts me too to think of you in the Alabama Abomination. However, with a little imagination & a splash of divine intervention, I think we can come up with a more pious alternative:
#5: Volkswagen 1500–Always the "car of the people" this VW will get him there in understated style & because the Pope is South American, we know he's a Beetle man:
#4: Lincoln Continental: If it's good enough for Vince & his Entourage, it's good enough for the papal posse:
#3: Winged Smart Car:
Because, in the immortal words of Belinda Carlisle– Heaven Is A Place On Earth, particularly with that kind of turning radius.
#2– Papal Pantera, baby
Because it takes the patience of saint to put up with this temperamental mode of transport. And if you still have doubts, remember, the Pantera logo also includes the Argentinean flag. Coincidence? I think not. Thank you, Jesus.
And because I kind of miss the gold plated, red shoe sporting, Beemer driving Pope of the past, I give you:
#1 Pope Frankie 2000:
He's rocking the combi van
blasting Kanye's "Jesus walks", having traded his mitre for a more modern headdress:
Because that's a hit with everyone:
