Dude, Or Douchebag: Family Stick Figures

They’re terrible.  They’re horrible.  And they’re everywhere.  Family Stick Figures are a menace to society.

To me, the more perfect the family seems in sticker form, the more dysfunctional I imagine their reality to be. Like this D-bag who loves Star Wars:

Really?  Are you ALL really that into Star Wars?  Then why did I see your kid ’round the back with some Goo Gone & a razor blade?  And why the hell is Daddy the only one with a weapon?  Maybe that’s how he enforces the sticker.

Or this one?

So sweet.  Daddy enjoys golf, Junior likes to boogie board, and Squirt gets a scooter. Fantastic. What’s Mom’s activity? Coffee. Yeah, right! You know she’s hiding something. Like a serious Rose habit or some Hide The Sausage sessions with Daddy’s caddy.  But, she does get that bitchin’ Toyota. Actually, make that a Vodka habit.

With all of this perfection, I really appreciate it when families let it all hang out: 

No kidding. I feel you, Dude. The only thing missing is the crazy mother-in-law, but perhaps they don’t make a sticker for that yet.

I’m not sure if these guys meant to mix it up, but I’m counting two Daddies:

Or maybe two Mommies with really small breasts.  Either way– bring it on, Dudes (Dudettes)!  At least their rainbow flagged Honda Odyssey is a reprieve from the average stick figure perfection.

But it is this guy who wears the Douchebag crown.  I almost hate to pick on him, because he’s clearly got bigger problems…like diaper bills… but come on:

You know you’re in trouble when you’ve run out of glass and had to move onto the truck bed.  The worst part is that he’s included their names!  It’s pure pedophile bait. Sure, Mom tells you not to talk to strangers, but it’s hard to argue with a guy that knows your 14 other siblings.. by name!  You may as well start printing their photos on milk cartons. Don’t worry, I left some condoms under his wiper blades.