Freak Of The Week: Mark V Mashup

I know, I know.  You’re like: “What’s a Mark V?”  “What’s a mash up?”  “What the hell goes on out there in California?” Don’t panic, you know the Lincoln Continental Mark V– because it’s that car that they always use in the 70s movies… the one they always have the pimps driving… the one with the landau roof, spare tire hump, oval opera windows and imitation Rolls Royce grill…………… It’s the one that Jock Ewing drove in Dallas…. I can hear your heads nodding from here. Welcome back, gay fan base! Back to our sordid tale.

The other day, in the Babies R Us parking lot (you can’t make this sh*t up), not only did I see a mint Mark V, but it had been modified to look like this:

No, that’s not an optical illusion, this baby’s roof has been sliced and diced more than Nicole Kidman’s forehead.  (Although it’s still unclear whether  an expressionless mass of skin north of one’s eyebrows can still be classified as a forehead, but that’s neither here nor there.)  Back to Babies R Us.  While I marveled at this automotive masterpiece and its mysteries– where will the baby seat go? do they hit their head getting in & out? is this person remarkably short? Asian? The queries were endless..when the owner bounded out of Baja Fresh, immediately answering 90% of these questions.  Clearly, he wasn’t vertically challenged or pregnant and I didn’t spot any blood on his noggin.

But he was damn proud of his Lincoln!  And he was more than happy to tell me all about it and the rest of his collection.  In fact, he immediately offered up a DVD of photos, which he had on hand, just in case.  I will be sure to share this DVD, once I clean my tears of laughter off its surface and download it to the site.

This is why car spotting is so very joyful.  You never know where it’s going to happen, who you’re gonna meet or how it’s going to go (I had to answer a lot questions about my marital status) but one thing’s for sure: people are ALWAYS excited to tell you about their car and how much they love it.  And that isn’t always true about discovering other people’s hobbies, crafts or even children– with cars, you know they’re gonna gloat and you’re both going to be better off for having connected. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a topless pool party to attend in the valley & my ride’s almost here.. I think we both know what he’s driving.