November in this town means a few things– airports more packed than the Barney’s sample sale, skies clearer than a studio back drop, and roads emptier than a post police chase freeway. It is also the time of year that Angelinos come together to worship our collective god– the automobile. As the self-appointed high priestess of this radical religion, I feel that it is my divine duty to pronounce the following Commandments for this year’s High Holy Days:
#1. Thou shalt not bogart the display model. I waited a good 10 minutes for this guy and his kid to quit their bonding and let Mama fondle the Mini Cooper:
#2 Thou shalt not desecrate an American icon. I understand that you need to promote your pimp sound system, but next time leave the Mustang out of it, ok?
#3. Thou shalt not perv out in public. Yes, many of the cars here are sexy, but please don’t stand around “playing with change” in your pockets. Go home and jerk off to the Car & Driver recap like every other warm blooded American.
#4. Thou shalt not bring your pets. That goes for every over-coifed purse dog, the bogus service animals (if all of those red-vested dogs were actually working, our shrink population would be in crisis mode) and oversized gekkos:
And lastly…
#5. Thou shalt not covet my job.
Go ahead and snap away in this venue sister, but also know this– there’s only one woman dedicated to prowling streets of LA for what’s cool and crazy. And I hear that bitch is nuts.