The Motorhead Guide to Hawaii

As the fearless observer of what’s happening on the streets, I sometimes feel like it’s not fair for me to only cover the manicured boulevards of Beverly Hills or the magnificent roads of Malibu. Sometimes I need to keep it real. So I recently headed to Hawaii.

Here’s the thing about the Aloha State.  People who’ve never been there like to say ‘it’s too commercialized’, ‘too touristy’ or the latest: ‘I prefer Costa Rica.’ Yeah, that’s great, go ahead and keep telling yourself that.  You know why millions of people go there every year? Cuz it’s awesome. So there.  But before you go, let’s get a few things straight:

#1: As Soon As You Get Off The Plane, You’re A Douchebag

Why? Because Hawaiians are inherently cooler than the rest of us.  They tan really well, get to say things like “brah” legitimately and live in a place where women with junk in the trunk are paid to wiggle it (with clothes on).  So I don’t care if you’re some Orange County hot shot with an M3 or a Hollywood hipster in a Tesla, but this old dude & his ratty El Camino will always be cooler than you:

#2.  There is no excuse for this:

Unless your old or Japanese or both. So rent a freakin’ car.  But…

#3. Just Say No To The White Mustang

Why? I’m gonna give you a little hint:

If you don’t get it, please go to Costa Rica.

#4. Be Sure To Love A Bus

Hawaii has over 8 VW clubs and plenty of vantastic scenery on the road. Here are 2 of my favorites:

#5.  Take In Some Sights

Just because it ain’t the mainland, doesn’t mean that Oahu doesn’t have car culture too.  Hawaiian rides can be pretty sweet, especially if you remember that the guy driving it also gets to live in Hawaii:

Lastly:

Cuz this isn’t the mainland, brah.