Test Drive: 2017 GMC Yukon Denali 4WD

Before we start this review..we’re gonna need to turn up the base. Because this Yukon Denali is pimp.

Let’s start with the honest facts: I am not THAT woman. You know the one– the blonde, skinny, rich, bitch that drives an enormous SUV with maybe one or two kids in the back..max. That woman parks like a moron. She undertips the valet driver. She is the last to accelerate when the light turns green. No I am the woman that can’t stand that woman. So when the GMC Yukon Denali showed up in my driveway for a test drive, I was all “whatever” (eye roll).

But then it got hot. Really hot. Like 110 degrees in my driveway hot. So I used the remote start feature to cool that mother down, opened the door, stepped on the power retractable running boards, nodded to the 20″ wheels and got in for my first drive.  Sitting in the ventilated front seats, I put my phone down on the wireless charger, adjusted the telescopic steering wheel, adjusted the pedals and connected to the in-vehicle WiFi.  Getting the picture? As I said, this thing is pimp. Of course, with a base price of $69k and full loaded at $78k, it should be. But I’m still not one of them…

Then I went to pick up Freya (the world’s biggest GMC fan) & her friend from school. Here’s the video, in case you missed it on Facebook live:

Needless to say, she lost her mind.  She aptly described the vehicle as “a private jet.” The kid had a point…

My next adventure was to pick up my older kid from the beach. I showed up and was immediately ambushed with requests, “Can we give Charlie a ride home? How about Henry?” OMG. I’m not THAT woman either. I’m not the nice mom that likes all kids and thinks ‘the more the merrier.’  I’m the ‘the more, the more likely you’re gonna annoy me’ mom. With this car, I couldn’t fall back on my usual retort, ‘no room, sorry!’ Well, guess what happened?

I drove them ALL home.  That’s right. Five fun-filled teenagers in my car.  And I didn’t kill a single one.  I didn’t even yell or snap. You know why? This baby’s huge.  Do you yell at people on a private jet? Nope. Why? Because everybody’s happy.  I didn’t even freak when these clueless kids carted their sandy legs on board. Why? I knew that vacuuming this baby was gonna be a piece of cake, thanks to those power retractable rear seats. I was so calm, cool and collected, I was barely myself. Boss mom status..secured.

Next adventure? I drove the Yukon to the valley to go to Super Car Sunday by myself in the blazing heat. So of course, I wore a skirt. Guess what happened when I got out? I stepped gracefully on this bad boy and looked like a real woman:

No Britney Spears wardrobe malfunctions for me. Yay! Oh and parking? A breeze! There are so many mirrors, cameras and sensors that there are absolutely no excuses to park poorly. I felt so confident behind the wheel that I decided to engage in the valley’s most stressful guerrilla parking competition… Costco on a Saturday. Just me, the Yukon and Tupac– my go-to for musical motivation. Two hours & 300 rolls of toilet paper later, me and my chill-mobile are “California Love’-ing back to Topanga, cuz I’m so gangsta!

How does it drive? It drives like a Wonder Break Truck Sandwich. Smooth, fluffy but still a truck.  It’s no performance car and no canyon carver. Don’t get me wrong, with a 6.2L V8 I smoked plenty of Priuses. I was shocked to average about 16 mpg, which is about the same as my high performance SUV.

The entertainment/control panel interface was a wonderful combination of old school buttons and knobs and touch screens:

It may not impress your friends, but guess what? It works, which is more than I can say for these fancy, shmancy, finger printed touch screens that make me crazy.

I’m still not one of them. “Mom, why don’t WE get this car? For real?” my kids beg.  Even my gearhead husband was drinking the Denali Kool Aid, “Hey are those 20s?” Oh geez. Sorry guys, not this mama.  But for someone else? Oh hell yes. If you answer ‘yes’ to any of the below, Yukon Denali may be right for you:

*Do you like being insanely comfortable behind the wheel?

*Do you want every imaginable convenience?

*Do you cart around a lot of kids, dogs and stuff in general?

*Do you want your passengers to be deliriously happy?

*Does Boss Mom Status interest you?

*Do you fear wardrobe malfunctions?

Then this is the car for you. Not me. But if you do get one, can I borrow it sometime? Just twice a year, on my kids’ birthdays. Oh and when I go to Costco. And the beach. Oh and maybe Super Car Sunday. And road trips.  Dammit….

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