Car Slut Confessions: Mini Me

2 min read

About 11 years ago, right after I heard BMW was going to bring the British classic back to life, I bought myself a Mini Cooper S.  And right away, we were inseparable.  The gas mileage was insane, the handling was super tight and the stick shift incredibly responsive.  I even upgraded & got myself the convertible shortly afterwards– the roof retracted 1/2 way for a sun roof, which was genius.  However, half way through my love affair with this German/British mutt, I had a very serious problem: I got knocked up.  

Not only did I have a bun in the oven, it turned out that one which was fully baked and seated safely in the back seat was growing! Word on the street was, it was going to continue to do so.  So then, one Saturday morning as I squeezed my fat belly behind my beloved rocket ship, my co-pilot/husband spoke these evil words into my ear, "We need a bigger car."  

What? I sure as hell wasn't rockin' a mini van, unless of course, it looked like this:

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So I did what any self-respecting, car-loving woman would do.  I told him to "buzz off"– or something like that (this is a family site, bitches) and let it go.

A week later, as I raced through one of my favorite, lightly patroled northern LA County back roads, I was just about to shift from 4th to the magical 5th gear & all hell broke loose.  My daughter, whose legs apparently had grown over night, kicked my right arm and popped me right into neutral.  It scared the clutch right out of me.  I went home, grabbed the old man, went to a dealership and sold my soul to Mercedes.

Since then, Mini has increased their fleet at Fundamental Mormon-like pace: Countryman, Clubman, Coupe, Paceman, Walkman, I dunno, there are a lot.  But none of them hold the appeal of that initial body style that drove like a go-cart and was fun 100% of the time.  It's gotten so bad that sometimes, I think about quitting my day job & working for Red Bull just to get my mojo back:

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So Mini USA, let's work something out.  Roof racks with air holes & an X box?  A side car? There's just gotta be a place to put the kids.  A valet service for my Cosco runs?  I dunno, I just sure do miss that sweet little car.

2 thoughts on “Car Slut Confessions: Mini Me”

  1. This is one of your best pieces. I could feel the  pressure of my smile on my cheeks from the words "fully baked" 'till now  when I'm's rustling with my dictation software that doesn't seem to understand me anymore.

     

    So I mean it made up a new  contraction "Im's"

     anyway thank you again for doing spend the time to entertain all of us  although Imay be the only one that ever comments

     my regards to Bill Hope he's okay and oh she later   (oh she later   is dictation-software-speak for I will see you later)

     

     Chuck

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