California has its flaws, but being progressive is something we do well. Sure, we have no infrastructure, we're crippled by debt and you could rest a small continent in our economic divide, but we do lots of stuff before your state has even thought of it. Case in point, the bill that passed in Sacramento this week for a digital license plate program.
According to lawmakers, they'll save at least $20 million in postage for sending out new plates. They can update registrations remotely and even offer ads to drive additional revenue for our corrupt coffers. However, Mama's got better reasons:
5. Tetris. That's right. Tetris. Because when I'm stuck in traffic, I don't want someone's license plate holder to tell me "I'd Rather Be Cycling." No kidding, pal. You kids can play Minecraft, Angry Jewels or whatever else gets you off, but I'd rather be playing Tetris. So when the 405 is at a standstill, I'm pluggin' in my joystick and stacking bricks like it's '83.
4. Putting tailgaters in their place. Because when tossing pennies through my sunroof and slamming on my brakes isn't enough to keep your Honda Accord off of my bumper, I'm going to let it rip analog style.
3. Digital Ads. Because if you're gonna be staring at my tail, the view ain't comin' for free, baby. It's the same reason I don't wear any logo'd t-shirts or handbags with other people's initials. If you're gonna make me a part of your marketing plan, kindly put me on your payroll.
2. Cyber Flirting. Because we all know that once this guy figures out how to message through his plates, it's on.
And the #1 reason why digital license plates are California's best idea yet…
Hackers. Because we all know that it will take about 30 seconds for the younger, smarter kids of Silicon Valley and Silicon Beach to hack into the DMV and create real chaos. We will all be driving around with Viagra ads on our rear bumpers as we gaze into a sea of payday loan plates. But compared to this, it's progress: