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Dude Or Dbag: Wow! Bumper Sticker Shock

car covered in bumper stickers

The crazier the world gets, the more my affection for crazy bumper stickers grows. Sure, some of them are wildly “inappropriate,” but anything that adds a little bit of levity behind the wheel gets my vote every time. Here are some of the best varieties I’ve seen lately: (plus, a couple of truly awful ones)

Excessive Text Is Bumper Sticker Cat Nip

I dunno about you, but whenever I’m walking through a parking lot, and there’s a paragraph on the back of someone’s ride, I just can’t resist. I have to get closer, zoom in, and know what the message is.

bumper sticker dude

In this case, sure, “The Matrix” is great, but would I rather be watching that or buying useless plastic crap from Target’s dollar bin? It’s a toss-up. Luckily their other bumper stickers land them squarely with the Dudes.

cool bumper sticker

(same car.) Yes, the “curb killer” is epic. The “Fox Sake” is adorable. But the real scene stealer here is the Car-I-Be-In. If you ever wondered where I spotted this, the excessive movie references give it away right quick. Try not to stare at my ugly feet.

Speaking of ugly, some people just don’t know when to stop:

For Some, Bumper Stickers Are Like Potato Chips

car covered in bumper stickers

But considering there’s nothing negative on this car, I’ll excuse it. It’s not dude-worthy, but it’s okay. What makes this guy a dbag is the fact that his roof box is hella precarious. Maybe those are straps, but judging by the number of peace signs on the back of his ride (not to mention the one that simply says WEED), I have zero faith in their installation.

What Would Jesus Stick On His Bumper?

You know who has faith? This guy:

I’m not normally a big fan of preachy bumper stickers, but this one is fantastic. Who cares if you believe the bible! This sticker is brilliant. That makes him a total Dude. Also, because we’re both perfectly aligned on tailgaters:

Never gets old. Bravo!

You’ll probably want to hide your bible before reading this:

Dbags Go To The Mall Too

crazy bumper stickers

On behalf of women everywhere, I applaud your “diet.” And the play on words is clever. I will give you that. It stopped me in my tracks. But what happens when he rolls up to Aunt Nancy’s house for Thanksgiving, and the nieces and nephews want to see his new car? What about dinner? Does Nancy get confused and offer him an alternative meal? Does he get so embarrassed that he ends up eating Tofurkey and butter-less mashed potatoes? Is it worth it? Thanksgiving is delicious, bro. Besides, if and when you do get a girlfriend, her first course of action is going to be to hand you a razor blade and some Goo Gone. You get an A for effort but a D for Douching.

Literary Nerds ❤️ Bumper Stickers Too

The only thing that irritates me about this bumper sticker is that I didn’t think of it first.

Honda Odyssey bumper sticker

So good. You may be a literary dork, but you’re also 100% Dude.

What do you think? LMK in the comments! Or you spot something awesome, PLEASE share it with me on social.

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