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Freak Of The Week: The Bronco Patriot

Every Fourth of July, I like to celebrate the over-the-top exceedingly patriotic vehicles that I see in my travels.  This one was sent by a friend in Massachusetts, but that’s close enough.  IMG_9196I immediately loved the whole package– Stars & Stripes, vintage Bronco and most importantly, waving that freak flag high and loud in rural New England which isn’t exactly a hotbed of overt eccentricity.  Then I got the next photo:


Oh, brass knuckles..and a grenade..that’s nice.  Then I started freaking myself out.


There are iron crosses on his hood, ammunition in his interior, a bottle opener next to his wheel well and… he’s parked his car on his lawn in January.  It occurred to me that maybe this guy isn’t exactly the big goofy, harmless teenager that I imagined him to be.  Maybe he’s… psycho. Maybe he’s a phenomenally angry, child-support ditching, squirrel boiling, 40 ounce drinking a**hole who likes to put Roofies in blonde chic’s beer.  (Damn, why does beer have to be so good? Why do I have to be so blonde?)

But why bother?  Where is being scared of this guy gonna get my anyway?  Some of the best things in this life are terrifying– like losing your virginity or having babies –both of those things turned out ok in the end.  Plus, whenever I get the nerve up to talk to a guy with a lowrider, a chopper, a murdered out muscle car that look potentially dangerous, they turn out to be really nice.  Plus, I’m a blogger, not a parole officer.  So let’s just dig it!   His Bronco kicks ass, that’s all I need to know.  Also, it surely adds a bit of levity to the hundreds of safe, predictable and warm Subarus and Volvos that roll past his house on a daily basis. That’s a wonderful public service and that makes him ok by me.

I’m thinking that maybe he’s like my friend, Lily, tough on the outside, but down deep, all heart:


So maybe this holiday, go talk to someone who scares you a little. Maybe the guy with that awesome lifted truck, the kid with the Italian super bike or ask to pet the dog that you think may be a pit bull but is actually an American Bulldog.  Because that freaky diversity is what makes this country truly free.  Happy Fourth of July!

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