(Warning: this post is wildly inappropriate for kids. For a killer bedtime story, look at another post.)
I recently returned from a family trip to Cape Cod. By end of it, I needed a solid laugh. Or at least a kick ass car spotting to ease my familial induced malaise. Happily, on my very last day, the Baby Jesus was kind enough to bless me with this vision of loveliness:
Yes, I know it’s a Honda CR-V. And yes, I know it’s butt ugly. Yet, at the same time, as a piece of roadside reading material, it is nothing short of miraculous. I was first drawn in by these two:
Even if you don’t believe in Boston or free beer & blow jobs, if you don’t crack a smile when looking at that guy’s face, your heart has officially turned to stone.
But wait, it gets better! How’s about this one?
Now, I know I should hate this guy. He puts all of these “obnoxious” “offensive” and “crass” statements on the back of his vehicle for all to read, including my kids.
But I can’t. I just can’t. He’s too awesome.
With most people, you take a while to figure them out. Not this guy. With a guy like this, it’s all pretty much on the table, or on the lift gate, as it were. Is he horny? Yup. Is he opinionated? Yup. Is he angry? You betcha. But he is what he is and that’s magnificent. He’s not hiding behind some horrible “CoExist” sticker or trying to intimidate via “My Rescue Dog Can Eat Your Honor Student” or whatever.
Also during this ridiculously polarized American election season, so many are sporting stickers stating “Clinton for Prison” or “Trump = Hilter” . But political stickers are so passive-aggressive, so pussy-footed, they just piss me off. What makes anyone think that one witty bumper sticker is going to convert their enemy? It won’t. I does nothing to help, it just upsets people. And frankly, our country is angry enough. At least Mr. Masshole knows his flaws and admits them openly & honest. It’s called accountability and it’s beautiful.
So on this holiday weekend, I invite you celebrate things that unite us. Like free beer & blow jobs. And forget the anger, the tragedy & our collective dysfunction, let’s celebrate humble Americans that stay focused on the things that really matter in life:
Happy July 4th, Motorheads…
And don’t be a b-dag…designate a driver! Mama loves you!