On a recent trip to Santa Barbara, I decided to cruise through the marina for a little vicarious sailing. Much to my surprise, I found a pack of the most god-forsaken, money-wasting fools on the planet, the elusive car and boat person. I warn you, some of this is hard to look at.
Boat AND Car People Don’t Need To Fit In
The first car that caught my eye was this Hyundai Veloster. That’s right, a Veloster. Not an N, not an R-spec, just a stock 3-door hatch in the make-me-an-offer yellow paint that notoriously clogs the furthest corners of dealer lots. Why? Because all of his car money is floating about 30 yards away.
Someone with a boat may just love Mustangs. And sure, they can have one. But not a 1965 Fastback or even a modern Mach-E. Nope. When you’ve got saltwater in your veins, your Mustang is a Third Gen, the worst of them all. But hey, bad cars are classics too right?
Boat AND Car People Love A Wagon
Wagons are hard to find these days. With the majority of Americans driving SUVs and/or trucks, the family wagon has all but gone away. Except for on any given day in a boatyard, marina, or even yacht club. Why?
Well, when your grandma Betty leaves you her smelly, champagne-colored Benz wagon in her will, you say “yes, please!” and grab the keys.
A Beemer wagon: because you can’t lock your sails in a pickup truck when you run into Safeway for a case of beer.
Knot For Nothin’: Speed Is King
What’s made of carbon fiber and hits speeds over 60mph? Not this Miata. But America’s Cup Boats. So if you think sailors are just hanging around looking for a chill place to get drunk, you’re right. But before that, many like to go fast. This can lead to a tendency for speed in all forms.
Boat People Make Bad Car Decisions
I’m not saying that this Triumph TR6 is anything less than fabulous. But a British car and a boat? This poor dude is a glutton for punishment (and repairs).
A Rabbit pickup is never a bad decision. But truck caps are pretty much always regrettable.
Final Thought: Boat People Hate Money
There’s no better way to dispose of all of your disposable income than to buy a vintage Range Rover. Ask me how I know.