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Bitch Please! 3 Infuriating Things Women Drivers Do

“Mom, let it go!” my girls plead. “It’s not your problem,” my husband tells me. But for some reason, when I see women doing irresponsible, irrational, or downright dangerous things while driving, I get worked up. Not because I think women are worse drivers than men, but because I think women have been conditioned to think that driving is ‘men’s business,’ so they don’t try. I’m here to tell you that the hunk of metal before you doesn’t care what’s in your pants or who you’re screwing. It just wants to be handled properly (don’t we all?). Here are the most annoying things I see women doing behind the wheel.

If I Can Keep Princess Off My Lap, You Can Restrain Your Teacup

Women Drive With Lap Dogs

I love my dogs. We all love our dogs. And little dogs are great. But there are genuinely zero circumstances where it’s appropriate to zoom around town with your furry baby behind the wheel. Although only Hawaii has had the smarts to make it illegal, it’s a terrible idea. Not only are you endangering your own life, but in an accident, your dog is likely to be the first casualty. Just ask my neighbor’s rescue mutt, Tripod—who had all four legs before he went flying out of the window in a crash. Now he’s, well, his name says it all.

If Your Dog Insists, Get In The Back Like Freya and Gooby

Women Drive Holding Their Phones

“Hi, I’m Amelia, and I’d love to pair your phone.” Go to the Target in Woodland Hills on any given Saturday, and you’ll find this lunatic walking through the parking lot looking for the Bluetooth challenged. The majority of the drivers I meet are women driving BRAND NEW CARS. Their salesperson never showed them how to pair their phone, and they “just haven’t gotten around to it.” I hear that, mama, and I’m here to help. If you need help connecting your phone to Bluetooth, email me at I’m more than happy to help. Hands-free driving will not only change your life. It may even save it.

Some Even Sit On The Steering Wheel

I know that many of you think we’re on the verge of autonomous driving, and that’s great. But until then, you need as many free and flexible limbs as possible to drive well. The first step towards keeping your limbs mobile involves removing them from the vice grip between your seat and the steering wheel. Ideally, you’d be 10” away from the wheel with a slight bend in your elbow. I witness women driving like this daily, and that’s not ok:

Please, in the name of all things holy, give that baby a little room. Trust me, you’ll be a better driver, and your wrists will thank me later.

But overall, bad driving is a gender-neutral phenomenon. In fact, a recent study out of Israel found that women were generally better drivers than men. So your stereotypes can suck it!

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