In this land of billionaires, Bugattis and Botox, looking for a flashy car is kinda like looking for fake boobs…throw a rock and you’ll hit one. Like my friend Garrett told me before I moved here, “BMW is the Honda of LA.” No kidding.
If you’re reading from some normal place like, well, anywhere else, think of it this way. You know when you’re driving down the road and you see a Porsche and you’re like “wow, check that out.” We’re kinda like that when we see a woman over 40 aging gracefully or say, a fat person. We know they’re out there, we just don’t see them very often.
Just so you don’t think we’re entirely vapid, I present to you the Diane Keaton of cars:
Isn’t she great? She doesn’t pretend to be anything different than who she is– she’s over 40 and proud of it! She doesn’t trade her wheels out for spinners, she just polishes up the ones she’s got. She’s not phased by the sea of M3s and 430s zooming by her on Melrose, she just shifts down an enjoys the ride.
Or this guy:
It’s Sean Connery. I’m gray, dammit and always have been. My torque may not match that of the R8 that just roared by, but when ladies go for this ride, they’re perfectly satisfied. My leather’s well worn, my odometer is high and I’m great behind the wheel– practice makes perfect. I’m still James Bond but now… with preferred parking.
Last but not least, you’ve got Morgan Freeman:
Never been like other actors and doesn’t care. When you see him in a movie you know you’re gonna like it and he’s gonna make you smile. He’s part salt and pepper sexpot and part wise grandpa. You’re not sure if you want to take him for a ride or sit on his lap, grab a candy cane and tell him what you want for Christmas.
So when you come to LA, don’t just oggle the porn stars and Playmates. Don’t just gaze at the sea of shirtless, waxed actors high on testosterone, HGH and residual checks. Be sure to keep an eye out for some of our classics on the road– they may be harder to spot, but our automotive old guard is alive and well.
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