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Dear Redbook Auto Awards, Just Shoot Me

Redbook magazine recently released a fascinating piece titled “The Best Cars For Women: Redbook Auto Awards 2013.”  It opens with this promising statement– “Cars are usually judged by men, for men.”  Can’t argue with you there, sister. But 22 words later, I’m ready to stick an ice pick in my forehead– “We care about safety, gas mileage and cost, but let’s be real, we also need a good light for putting on makeup and a way to keep the kids from kicking the back of our seat.”  Excuse me? 

Now, I could easily go down the rabbit hole of why the hell Redbook readers are putting on makeup in their car, at night (suspect), but I’m gonna rise above that and stick to the fundamentals.  When 59% of American mothers are working, and 60% of American women outearn their husbands, are we really evaluating our one sacred space by the size of its cupholders?  

Redbook raves that their “9 top picks are packed with perks the guy gearheads might have overlooked.”  Guess what? There are plenty of famous female gearheads (try Lake Bell or maybe you’ve heard of Danica Patrick) and millions more not-so-famous women who simply love to drive.  You know what these women aren’t doing?  Getting excited about “a nifty opening behind the center console that’s the perfect spot to stow a small purse”?  I dunno what’s more disturbing there– getting “excited” about a Volvo or the use of the word “nifty.”

The one that really got me was the evaluation of Mini Countryman as “adorable from every angle.”  Have you ever driven a Mini Cooper?  It’s the reason the Baby Jesus gave us car seats, so we could strap our kids in and listen to them roar with laughter as we fly around some S-turns.  This guy was even smart enough to install a barf bag into his:

Which is just what you’ll need after reading the Redbook article. 

I’m not asking you to burn your bra, ladies, just burn some rubber!  And you don’t have to be a gearhead to get on board.  Sophia Loren loved her Mercedes Gullwing.  Audrey Hepburn adored her Ferrari. Even Kim Kardashian dropped $350k on 458 Italia and then took another $80k for a glass hood so she could see her engine.  I’ve never been so proud of my homegirl.  Let’s not be embarrased that we love cars.  Whether it’s to a playdate, a commute to work or laps around the Indy track– just enjoy the ride. And if anyone asks you why you’re not driving a minivan, tell them you didn’t like the makeup light.


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