Ever since pot started wafting it’s way out of High Times and into the mainstream, plenty of people are panicked about the pending stoned driver crisis. From the chilly highways of Colorado to the swampy streets of Florida, marijuana is enjoying all kinds of loosened restrictions and this has got law enforcement freaked out. And with good reason for with alcohol, you’ve got a breathalyzer. But with pot, what have you got? Nothing but a bunch of red eyed hippies clogging the streets with their curtained VW buses and endless turn indicators. Don’t panic boys, Mama is here to help you sort the stoners from those who are just plain slow.
Step One–Show them the following three items:
A) Keys to a brand new BMW B) $100 cash or C) A nice, full, really cold Big Gulp. See which one they choose.
Next, offer them a ride in this, a brand new M3:
See if they react with : A) Hooray, let’s go! B) Really, me? now? or C) Dude, that’s really bright…
Next, show them this car:
Do they say A) LOL–that’s hilarious! B) WTF–that’s crazy! or C) OMG– is that cop?
If possible, try to wear the KFC drumstick corsage during the interrogation:
Notice if they say either A) Excuse me, what’s up with the chicken? B) Is that food on your wrist? or C) Are you gonna eat that?
Last, but not least, drive them past my friend Daniel’s office on PCH & see how they react to his plea:
Do they say: A) Of course not B) Ha, here’s a dollar pal or C) Sorry, man, I smoked it all.
Now tally. Mostly As: No problem– hand them some Visine and let ’em go. Mostly Bs: They’re fine, move on. Mostly Cs: Fresh baked pothead. Rack ’em up, grab their keys and hide the Doritos:
Too funny!