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I Like Big Nuts & I Can Not Lie: 5 Reasons Why Testicles On Vehicles Rock

Not everyone is into this art form, but I implore you to reconsider the trucks with balls because I think they’ve got a lot to offer. Here are a few reasons:

5. They’re subtle:
Explorer with Balls truck nuts
Balls on trucks aren’t like naked lady mud flaps or stripper stickers with devil horns, they’re usually placed under a tow hitch so they’re hard to see, most people don’t even notice. They’re so subtle that you can almost host grandma’s Jazzercise carpool or attend a parent/teacher conference without controversy. Most importantly, it doesn’t incite a complex conversation with the backseat observers—because if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s parenting.

4. They’re fun:

When you notice a pair hanging from a ride, you can’t help but smile. Even if you’re horrified, disgusted or amazed at the audacity– you pretty much have to have a heart of stone not to crack one. From the bra-burning feminist to holy rolling right winger—you may want to castrate the poor guy or dial Jesus on the line, but before you do, you’re pretty likely to have yourself a chuckle.

3. They’re honest. Who doesn’t want a truck with a big set of balls? I sure as hell do. In fact, I want my car to have enormous, hairy, testosterone filled sacks that can conceive babies upon eye contact. That’s the car that will outpace the bald guy revving his Prowler at the stop light. That’s the car that will smoke the hussy twirling her hair in a turbo Carrera. So please, sign me up for balls!

2. They’re low fi.
Nuts on trucks need not be fancy like this chromed Calabasas set:
They’re just as effective if they’re two tennis balls tied up in a t-shirt and hung from the back of a jalopy. The ball sack is an equal opportunity accessory.

And the #1, most exciting reason that I love vehicles with testicles (and so should you) is…
.. in certain circles, a big sack on your ride is also used an identifier for gay men. Yes, it’s true–this symbol for hyper-masculinity is also a symbol for homo-sexuality, which is almost a cruel joke. A joke that’s particularly unfortunate for the guy who drops a cool $500 to show off some shiny truck nuts when what he’s really doing is soliciting a dude to shine his. Isn’t life cruel? And hilarious?

So keep ‘em swinging, boys. Mama’s a big, hairy fan.

6 thoughts on “I Like Big Nuts & I Can Not Lie: 5 Reasons Why Testicles On Vehicles Rock”

  1. I agree on the gay part. I think all guys that out truck nuts on their rides are gay. Some just are in denial. No way do I want to see that crap swinging there. It would make more sense to me if women were doing it. But guys? We’ve already got them and don’t want to see ‘em.

    1. motorheadmama

      Agreed. I’m running to put nuts on my SUV right now. Hahaha!

  2. i mean they’re funny but i always thought it’s kinda gay to put balls on a truck like i’m not a guy and i’m just here to figure out why someone like hairy balls on a car so don’t mind me

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