…and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Here’s why: You used to be cool. Back in the day, people who drove a Volvo wagon were hippies, free thinkers, those who didn’t need to fit in.
Dear Volvo, You Used To Be Sexy
Do you remember when having a Volvo wagon had nothing to do with having kids?
Dear Volvo, Make Us Laugh Again
Remember when you had a sense of humor?
Dear Volvo, You Used To Turn Heads
Remember when you knew a little something about design?
How did you go from that…
To this:
This Isn’t You. Get It Together
Now you can smack it up, flip it, and rub it down, but there’s just no hiding the lameness of the current collection. Of course, you’re gonna try to convince me that it is so very safe, and that’s why I should buy it. Thanks, pal, I’d rather weave through traffic on a Ducati wearing a glass jumpsuit than sit safely in traffic in this pile of junk. Now that you’ve alienated freaks like me (your fan base), what does that leave you with? Only the truly paranoid and scared, those with no imagination, people who buy cars out of fear. Man, that’s gotta suck. First, you’re sexy and cool, Kirstie Alley on Cheers, then you’re Kirstie Alley on Jenny Craig. Ouch.
What’s the plan, Volvo? A weekend in Vegas? A trip to Burning Man? An affair with a tuning company? I don’t care, get it together before you head to the automaker graveyard like my friends at AMC, Fisker, and Saab. I honestly can’t go through that again.
***
Thanks Volvo, I Feel Better Now
2016 Update :
Volvo launches its post-Ford collection and it kicks ass! The S90, V90 &..the XC90 are all simply delicious. Mama is elated.
See my coverage here or the S90 here, or the XC90 here.
2025 Update:
I’ve been test-driving Volvos for almost 14 years now. Now with electrification and some gorgeous designs, I think I can safely say that she’s in her hot girl era. This is the kind of comeback story I love to write.
Not merely a good choice of car when it comes to looks but when we talk about the mechanical thing, these are amazing!