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What Would Ava Drive? Or How To Raise A Smartass

My first-born is on the cusp of something terribly exciting. Within 6 months, Ava will be a fully licensed driver. Her enthusiasm for her upcoming freedom is almost matched by her desire to find her dream car. What can I say, the apple and the tree.  So recently I took her to The LA Auto Show to do some hypothetic car shopping to see what she’s into. The results were.. interesting:

kids and cars

BMW x7

Our first stop was the BMW booth where this sweet little angel stood calmly in front of a new luxury SUV so her mother could snap a photo.

kids and cars

Then along comes my kid, who plants herself in front of the X7 and said, “Wow. This is makes your car look kinda lame.” Thanks, Ava. Thanks a lot. I’ll tell that to the 16 years of my life that I’ve spent raising your entitled ass. Thanks.

Next I showed her a gold G Wagon. Teen dream car, right? Not for my kid.

kids and cars
Not impressed.

Mercedes G Wagon

Her reaction? “It’s like a fancy Jeep. I’d like literally rather have a Jeep. For reals.” Hair flip. Exit, stage left. 

kids and cars
Volvo XC40, what could go wrong?

Volvo XC40

I was delighted to discover that the Volvo XC40 did, in fact, impress by my daughter. Apparently she prefers it when it isn’t in that “terrible blue color” and without the “hideous” orange interior. At was at this point that I started second guessing the entire endeavor.

kids and cars

Audi R8

Yeah right, Ava. If anyone deserves that screaming beauty known as the Audi R8, it’s the one that actually does empty the dishwasher. Nice try.

kids and cars
Navigator? Not so much.

Lincoln Navigator

How about the exciting, all-new Lincoln Navigator with its wide stance, strong presence and luxurious interior? That one received a quick “Nah” with an additional “Mom car” slur under her breath.  I’m definitely telling Santa.

kids and cars

Here’s my dearest baby, Freya, who waited in line for 10 minutes just to get her picture taken in this Range Rover. We had to leave quickly because Ava yelled, “Yo Mom! Christmas is coming. Check this out!”

kids and cars
Ava raving over the Ford Raptor

Ford F-150 Raptor

A Raptor? Sure, that’s what my child needs. A twin-turbo powered truck that produces 450hp, 510 lb ft of torque and goes from 0-60 in 5 seconds. Sounds like a real brain wave. Keep moving, kid.

I then tried to convince Ava that a Jaguar iPace was a smart choice. Eco-friendly, nimble and luxe, this is a crossover with a conscious, surely she’d dig that.

kids and cars
No iPace for Ava

Jaguar iPace

Not so much. 

Just when I’m ready to send her off to military school for being a vapid, entitled, superficial, LA-corrupted monster she squeals, “I’d TOTALLY drive this”:

kids and cars
Pinto pride.

Ford Pinto (TransAm edition)

And there it is. The moment I realize that she isn’t all bad. She isn’t a disaster. She isn’t a snob. She is exactly what I raised her to be. A strong young woman with very distinct opinions, some of them expensive, some with edge, but always her own.

As for her dream car, it was just as I expected.

kids and cars
Ava ❤️ the Gladiator. 

Jeep Gladiator

Ava has always wanted a Jeep. Ever since she was 5. Now that the Gladiator is out, her desire is even stronger. Because a Jeep that is also a pickup is what? “A better Jeep.” Just ask Ava.

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